


Better Than I Know Myself

by foreverinprinxietyhell



Category: Sanders Sides, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Body Dysphoria, Crushes, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Gender Dysphoria, Hormones, Late Night Conversations, Living Together, M/M, Meeting the Parents, Misgendering, Other, Roommates, Study Date, Trans Male Character, dead naming, in the closet, matchmaker!Patton, non-binary characters, third wheeling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-18 07:45:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14848610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foreverinprinxietyhell/pseuds/foreverinprinxietyhell
Summary: Since this is a college AU, none of the Sides have Sanders as their last name (I just felt weird tagging them as 'Logic', 'Morality', 'Creativity', and 'Anxiety' in the characters section)Roman TorresVirgil PicaniPatton StarkLogan Crofters





	Better Than I Know Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Since this is a college AU, none of the Sides have Sanders as their last name (I just felt weird tagging them as 'Logic', 'Morality', 'Creativity', and 'Anxiety' in the characters section)
> 
> Roman Torres  
> Virgil Picani  
> Patton Stark  
> Logan Crofters

“You’ve got to stop her.”

“I’m still a man, a manly man, a man who is manly!” Roman rebutted, yet he lacked the usual gusto that came with correcting anyone, “Honestly, you should have that through your skull by now!” 

Usually frothing at the mouth at those who dared to continue using the wrong pronouns though there were times when it did not seem worth the effort to waste energy on persistent ignorance. For years, he had grown up in a conservative household expecting to be a big sister that another girl, Valerie, could look up to; as expected he had been at the top of his acting class, managed to graduate with only a few low grades through the years, and went off to college to pursue a theater major. Cringing at the use of a name he refused to go by outside of class until his second year when the first of three significant people came around, he wanted to make this first impression count, “Hello Mr. Doom and Gloom.” 

“Lovely, someone noticed me…” 

“Is that such a bad thing?” 

“Depends on who’s asking,” the brooding boy retorted, a puff of air fanning out long bangs showing bright brown eyes behind rings of eyeshadow trying to appear more nonchalant about the encounter, “Name’s Virgil. You are?” 

“Roman. Although you may here Dr. Williams call me by a different name.” 

“...Oh.” 

Stomach dropping at sudden realization he nearly decided to walk out from rehearsal early without any explanation when a thinner hand instantly grabbed his wrist in a gentle grasp, squeezing slightly upon a foreign name being called out by the professor as an act of silent solidarity. Glancing sideways at the newcomer who had to be a freshman a sympathetic gaze resuscitating what little hope had been left when Virgil corrected the instructor.

“Excuse me, Mr. Picani?” 

“With all due respect sir, his name is Roman,” he repeated in a louder tone despite an anxious tremble shivering down his body, “You might want to add that to your records for future reference.” 

Anticipating an argument over how much of a demand the simple statement seemed the whole classroom observed their instructor’s movements as a hand swiftly jotted down the new piece of information. Confusion clear in a raised eyebrow, Virgil simply chuckled at the look as if it was obvious how that had been managed, “H-How can I repay you?”

“Nonsense. If you ever need anything my dad’s a licensed counselor on campus, Dr. Picani.” 

“No wonder you didn’t get called out…”

“He’s got nothin’ to do with it.” 

Arching a brow in anticipation of a full answer Roman watched as he disappeared once class got dismissed for the day; he would make sure to keep an eye out for the gothic dressed male, for even though he was not expected to do anything in return he could not stand being in debt. Hours of hand cramps from taking notes over second level science classes and composing poems for an in-class critique the royally dressed fellow a pair of friends huddled near the food court’s coffee shop, an empty spot saved with an iced latte and blueberry muffin. 

“You didn’t have to get me anything, Pat…” he stated despite knowing the older one only did as such to make sure his companions got enough meals throughout the day, “I’ll cover dinner.” 

“I doubt I’ll have enough time to eat between studying for two tests tomorrow in my geology courses and making notecards for anatomy.” 

“You better take a break, mister! I worry over my sweetums,” Patton remarked with a light pink blush as he leaned over to press a quick peck into a soft cheek, “Promise, Lo?”

“Fine… I’m sure you’ll be expecting some proof that I did.”

“Call me and we’ll come to your dorm with pizza. Deal?” 

“Sounds good to me!” Roman chimed in while a wrapper was delicately peeled away, taking a bite out of the fluffy confection and looking between both sensing that there was an unspoken topic they were trying to bring up naturally.

“We heard that a new kid stood up for you this morning to Dr. Williams.” 

“How’d he take it?” Logan asked, setting aside a green highlighter into the spine of an open textbook and adjusting thick-rimmed glasses to pay utmost attention, “Were either of you reprimanded?” 

“He just wrote it on the attendance sheet, no big deal.”

“Are you going to tell the rest of your teachers?”

“I’m not sure…”

“Lo, it’s his choice!”

“Excuse me for being concerned over one of my best friends!”

“Fellas, it’s fine.” he reassured with a sip of the caffeinated beverage to mask any trace of not knowing what exactly to do since he had only come out to a handful of people.

Silent nods noted how a decision was still being thought over, the conversation coming to a close as Logan returned to marking the pages of bolded terms and following definitions on a chapter of mineral classes. Once the snack had been disposed of, Roman slipped out a folder filled with a script of the first play his department would be putting on this semester in an attempt to take a moment from thinking about the person who had put in a good word for him without a second thought. Busily underlining designated lines for his part in pink ink he absentmindedly started to draw small hearts next to the character Virgil had been assigned, sighing softly at remembering an astounding amount of bravery when he could not muster any himself.

“RoRo?” the oldest of their group mused, setting a palm gently over his unoccupied hand sympathetically, “Don’t be so hard on yourself, okay? You’ll get there at your own pace.” 

“I feel so behind… I’ve identified this way for years, yet I haven’t started to transition.” 

“Doesn’t make you any less valid.”

“It’s just so hard waiting! I feel like my appointment won’t get here soon enough.”

“You’re going through with it?” Logan blurted out in shock, a splotch of marker coloring the side of his thumb in a hurry to cap the utensil, “Sorry, that was uncalled for… I just didn’t realize you made another one after you canceled the first.” 

“Well, now you do, it won’t be until after Thanksgiving break.”

“That’s only four months away.” 

“Still too long of a wait,” Roman exclaimed with an exaggerated eye roll before snickering softly to dismiss the serious demeanor, “I might invite Virgil to come with me.”

“A stranger over your best friends?” 

“He seems so progressive as well as cute, daring, definitely dreamy I could fall asleep instantly…”

“We get it, you like bad boys,” Logan interrupted, a slight smirk painting his lips at catching his partner nodding along with every detail as he stared across the counter, “Sue me for being attracted to this innocent guy.”

“I'll wait until you get your double PhDs, you'll have income left over to pay for your wedding.”

“Patton Crofters certainly sounds better than plain ole Stark.”

“It does, dear.”

Smirking mischievously at leaving the two love birds he bid ado as the neon orange envelope slid easily into a white over the shoulder bag embossed with gold lining and pins attached at the lone strap. With a wave he disappeared to a set of campus apartments too busy fishing out the room key to notice that his roommate had finally moved in, the dark blue door opening to reveal a recognisable figure hidden under an oversized hoodie despite it being the end of August.

“Virgil?!”

“Nice to see you again too.”

“Sorry, I just didn't expect you to be here. Not saying that in a bad way, I-”

“Relax,” he suggested with an amused snort at how the other had tried backtracking, “You're fine, 'kay?” 

“Guess so. I'm usually not this thrown off my game.”

“You actually have moves? I'd never guess.”

“Son, be nice. The last thing I want is for you complaining to me because you got on this young man’s bad side.”

“It's alright, Dr. Picani, it's just friendly banter. Nothing Quite can't handle.”

“If you say so,” the older adult remarked after a moment of hesitation, offering out a hand to greet Roman, “Please, call me Emile.”

“Even in your office?”

“If you should ever visit, sure! No pressure though.”

“I may later in the semester.”

“I look forward to it. If you'll excuse me I must be getting home to Virgil’s father, it was a pleasure meeting you.”

“Likewise, sir.”

Giving a farewell hug to his dad the new resident busied with putting away empty bins into a small storage closet, moving around the space to absentmindedly straighten knick knacks placed along a medium sized bookcase. Aware of the awkward situation between them Roman took it upon himself to try clearing the air despite how awfully it caused a stomach to curl inward, “Two dads, huh?”

“Apple doesn't fall far from the tree.”

“Meaning that you have a boyfriend?”

“No, I'm just gay as fuck,” he remarked rather bluntly, chuckling at the wide eyed reaction, “You're gonna have to get used to my straight to the point attitude sooner or later.”

“Forgive me, I'm used to being the one with clever comebacks.”

“Apology accepted. Now, as much as I hate to leave there's an essay I need to get started on.”

“Good luck with that.”

Parting ways to arrive upstairs into a brightly lit bedroom the actor in training hung his knapsack on a nearby hook before unbuttoning a white blouse to remove a constricting undershirt. Binder hung and arms stretched out overhead he swiftly swiped through a mundane lockscreen to flick open a group chat still maintained after being made years ago.

R: You'll never guess who my roommate is!

L: Improbable. You've barely given us any information to go off on.

P: Is it Virgil??

R: YES!!!

P: What are the odds?

L: Considering the number of students who attend this university it'd be...

R: Zip it, calculator watch! 

P: I'm coming over!

R: Pat, no buddy…

L: He just ran off. I'll see you guys later tonight.

Pinching the bridge of his nose in irritation he rolled from a comfortable position on the full sized mattress to throw on a baggy red shirt with a variant of masculine pronouns surrounding a Mars symbol. Hurriedly descending the same flight of stairs knowing fully well that his friend would already be knocking once he hit the carpeted landing, the sound echoing in a repetitive rhythm down the hall.

Too late. Turning the corner he caught sight of the patchwork purple hoodie standing on tiptoes to look through the peephole before opening up to meet a literal beam of sunshine, “Can I help you?”

“I'm Patton, nice to meet you!” he gave with an extended hand that was taken delicately, “You're living with one of my best friends.”

“Oh, you're here for Roman?”

“Sort of, he's told us about you already.”

“Us?”

“My partner Logan and I.”

Eyes immediately shifting downward to slightly scuffed tennis shoes rather than encounter whatever facial expression was worn after finding out he was being gossiped about. Tension vibrated throughout like static around a lightning rod while the situation lessened in intensity, yet embarrassment would not let go of the hold on easily defeated pride even as Virgil dismissed an attempt at fixing the damage done.

“He's a really sweet guy once you get to know him.”

“C’mon Pat, let's quit playing matchmaker and see about getting early dinner.”

“It's barely five o'clock…”

“You know your fiancé better than anyone else. His favorite place is on the other side of town and he won't notice the time until the sun goes down.”

Unable to argue any further he grabbed the other's arm and dragged him toward a designated parking spot, the two piling in without a second thought of the incident. Ignoring the slight glance of indigo fabric disappearing back inside Roman turned onto a road that wasn't as closed off with heavy traffic, music filling the small space from a local pop station.

“Ro, I didn't mean to embarrass you back there…”

“I know, hon. Remember how subtle you were asking Logan out?”

“No, don't make me think of that!” he squealed, smile breaking out uncontrollably, “Wasn't my best move…”

“'Do you want to put your mouth on my mouth?’”

“At least it worked.”

Cut off from making a sarcastic remark by the older man at the drive thru window he steeled for a less than desirable encounter even as a wave of discomfort swept across to drown him out of complete reality.

“Two large stuffed crusts, one cheese and the other pepperoni.”

“Will that be all?”

“Add a two liter of Coke, please.”

“Yes ma'am. Your total is $23.67.”

Trying not to be bothered by stereotypical Southern politeness the exact amount of change was handed over after the passenger dug through khaki pockets for coins, trading him the cardboard boxes before driving off in a slight fit of frustration. Somewhat distracted by timid tapping against the top most lid he tried to let nerves melt away, yet the accented drawl of the feminine word filled him with more dread than he cared to admit aloud, “Have you heard from Lo?”

“Not since I came to find you, friendo.”

“Do you think…?”

“I'm certain you have a chance with him. Does he swing the same way?”

“Yeppers. Would he even give me the time of day? I'm so feminine…”

“Roman Foley Torres, listen to me,” Patton stated firmly as a warm hand rested on his kneecap, “That stranger made an honest mistake. I know that doesn't excuse what happened, but you are so masculine. Virgil knew that within seconds of meeting you, there's no way he'd see you any other way.”

Warm brown eyes began to mist over in appreciation for a much needed pep talk as they sat idle at the last red light before returning to campus, hand leaving the steering wheel to give a gentle squeeze in non-spoken gratitude. Turning two lefts and a right, leftover dread slipped away for the time being while parking next to a familiar dark blue van as the two left in favor for the comfort a third story dorm after being let in by a fellow resident. Purposefully keeping at a slower pace to watch how unsuppressed giddiness caused a significant other to bound diwn the hallway until reaching the entrance where knuckles rapped repetitively until a lock unclicked.

“Lo!” he exclaimed while standing on tiptoes to smash lips together, similar pairs of spectacles clinking as their passion lengthened, “I missed you so much…”

“We saw each other earlier, sweetheart.”

“That was forever ago!”

“Goodness, you two make the cutest couple,” Roman gushed as he caught up to greet the double major with a side hug prior to being escorted inside, “Hope we're not interrupting too much, a certain someone decided to force me out of my room by telling Virgil that I'm attracted to him…”

“Songbird, is this true?”

“I couldn't help it! You know I couldn't stand by.”

“Roman just met the poor fellow…”

“He was trying to help, pal, don't be too hard on him.”

Eyes rolling in a certain kind of fondness while watching the other beam at being defended the intellectual busied with clearing an extra desk to rest the containers of food for later. Carbonated bubbles hissing violently as the cap came off to fill three ice filled Styrofoam cups, a bendy straw slipping into Patton's drink while he filled his partners lap, “You realize Roman has to go home at some point and face the consequences?”

“I’ll burn that bridge when I get to it, Specs.”

“Then how will you cross it?”

Chuckling heartily at the phrase being taken literally Roman folded his legs neatly underneath him after claiming a reasonable amount of food, taking dainty bites as he snuck glances at the two; Logan had never been one for showing emotions, yet that notion had been swept away along with his heart when Patton burst into his life, nuzzling their noses back and forth when once upon a long ago he would have dismissed the affectionate act. Filled with residual pride puffing out a broad, muscular chest only ended up daunting the actor while reflecting on his own failed conquests compared to the man he had fallen for so easily though he dared not burden the pair with such doubts. 

Hours of consuming countless calories and chatting about assignments already about to be due did not seem like enough of a break to the visitors, yet eventually the studious one of their group was adamant about returning to the task at hand before a personally set curfew of ten o’clock precisely. With Patton opting to stay the night rather than return to his parents home across town, Roman saw himself out after wishing the two well, nearly skipping down to the ground floor in an attempt at faking how he was looking forward to the inevitable conversation that would most likely clsoe off any sort of connection past being friends. Turning the volume up on an alternative rock song to amplify adrenaline needed, a free spirit grabbing hold of inspiration that fueled the air in his lungs.

_When will this change? Oh, I don’t wanna wait! All this pain, will it go away? I ask myself this everyday._

Car door slamming shut without hesitation he huffed dramatically at having to face reality, yet he had to own up to what his friend had done. That was what a responsible adult did, right? Too busy to really focus on his short path to the porch he was caught off guard by the thin frame he had been so used to seeing hidden from sight in a My Chemical Romance shirt, thinner than average legs covered by black skinny jeans, light purple socks poking out from beneath the hem. 

“You… are an emo nightmare.”

“Thank you,” Virgil accepted flatly, a small smirk giving away some amusement as he pulled up into a sit to pat the other cushion he had been lounging on comfortably, “C’mon, let’s get this over with.”

“Curse Patton for making us do this!”

“You can say that again… Really though it’s not that big of a deal, let’s just talk.”

“About me admitting to a crush?”

“More or less.” 

Eyebrow raised curiously he decided to comply instead of continuing to draw out the tension, fingers knitting together in an upward position in order to focus on what needed discussing, “Well, it’s true… Might be too early for anything to start, but I’m not going to deny it.”

“Why is that?” 

“How do you mean…?” he began to ask only hesitating upon realizing that the question was filled with hesitation, eyeshadow framed eyes looking anywhere else, “Oh! You captivated me by your boldness, I’ve never seen someone so confident, so carefree. It was inspiring the way you had no remorse for correcting a stranger.”

“When you grow up around people that don’t conform to society’s standards it’s easier.”

“You have family that have experience?” 

“Both parents are non-binary. They don’t mind being called ‘mister’ or ‘sir’, but they definitely prefer not to.”

“Makes sense,” Roman mused methodically as he thought back to when he had met Dr. Picani in person, how a polite smile that seemed somewhat forced had been given, “I’ll have to remember that.”

“I probably should’ve minded my own business, but I couldn’t just let him call you anything else than Roman.”

“No, I’m appreciative. Honestly, it’s making me consider changing my information in the system.” 

“One step at a time, mister, you’ll still have time to take over the world.” 

“With you by my side?” 

“Why the hell not?”


End file.
